w/Jenni Tooley

Hosted by Jenni Tooley

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Sep 2026

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About the show

Welcome to w/Jenni Tooley, an Audio Diary! I’m Jenni Tooley, a former actress and filmmaker turned writer and storyteller, sharing the truth about healing, survival, and the strange, often unexpected beauty that shows up in the middle of it all. From cancer diagnosis to recovery, from reinvention to rest, from breakdowns to quiet rebuilds—nothing here is polished or prescriptive. It's just me with my iphone wherever I'm at, doing whatever I'm doing- both literally and figuratively! If you’re navigating change, loss, healing, or just the slow unraveling of who you thought you were… you’re not alone. Come as you are. Stay as long as you need. And always remember that you are loved. www.jennitooley.com

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60 recent

September 17, 202620 min

CC S5.E10: Between Survival & Stability

I recorded this episode on Dec 30, 2026 while exhausted and frustrated with the Social Security Disability system. I was finally awarded SSDI in March 2026 after 19 months of fighting to get it. Hey everybody! If there’s anything that we have figured out in Cancer Chronicles Season 5: Survivorship, it’s that healing is not linear. In this episode, share what it was like applying for Social Security Disability while navigating a rectal cancer diagnosis, chemotherapy, radiation, lower anterior rectal resection, living with an ileostomy, ileostomy closure surgery and ongoing recovery challenges — including the emotional and logistical reality of trying to prove disability while actively living through illness, brain fog, fatigue, trauma, and uncertainty. I say all of that so that I can own what happened without minimizing it and knowing that I got to the other side. There’s also a lot of gratitude in this episode. Because somehow — through community support, family, grants, hospital assistance programs, neighbors, and sheer grace — I made it through cancer treatment without medical debt. Which is a freaking miracle! Episode topics Medicaid confusion healthcare marketplace loopholes paperwork during chemo brain surviving systems while trying to survive cancer the strange in-between space between “you survived” and “your life is stable again” being denied disability multiple times and deciding to hire a lawyer because the system became impossible to navigate alone the bizarre income qualification contradictions between Medicaid, SSI, SSDI, the healthcare marketplace, and mortgage lending why so many sick and disabled people feel trapped inside bureaucratic limbo If you’re navigating chronic illness, disability systems, cancer recovery, financial uncertainty, or the strange emotional landscape of needing help after being independent for a long time, I hope this episode helps you feel seen. You can find more episodes, writing, zines, and ongoing updates over at Jenni Tooley Presents . Love you lots!Jenni Get full access to w/Jenni Tooley at www.jennitooley.com/subscribe

September 16, 202651 min

Who was that girl w/the ponytail?

Today I grabbed my book, Confessions of an Aging Ingenue , sat down with some water and snacks, and spent my lunch hour reading and reflecting with you. What started as a story about auditioning for Arlington Road turned into a conversation about how our stories evolve over time. Looking back 30 years later, I can see lessons about authenticity, letting go of desperation, trusting myself, and finding my own way that I couldn’t see back then. We also wandered through cancer recovery, personal rituals, mantras, gratitude, and the importance of making room for a little joy while we’re doing life. I’m grateful for the chance to revisit these memories with fresh eyes and even more grateful for the people who joined me along the way. What story from your past means something different to you now than it did when you were living it? And what are you grateful for in this moment? Oh yeah… if you’d like your own copy of Confessions of an Aging Ingenue , I have a few signed copies available. $35, signed, sealed, and delivered straight to you. Just send me a note and we’ll make it happen.Until next time- you are loved!Jenni Our stories keep changing as we do. If you want to keep exploring those stories with me—along with creativity, reinvention, and whatever comes next—subscribe at www.jennitooley.com and come along. Get full access to w/Jenni Tooley at www.jennitooley.com/subscribe

September 10, 202633 min

Living with 9/11

Twenty-five years after 9/11, I’ve decided to tell a story I don’t often tell—the story of what it was like to live just across the Hudson River from New York City as the towers fell. Twenty-five years later, this story continues to evolve. Memory changes. Perspective deepens. What remains constant is gratitude—for life, for healing, and for the reminder that even in the midst of uncertainty, we still have choices about how we meet the world. Join w/Jenni Tooley at www.jennitooley.com Hey everyone! I did this video live so that I wouldn’t try to go back and edit it or fix it in any way. And guess what? It still took me 5 days to decide to post it! I’ve been on the fence about it for a loooong time but after spending 4 hours at CarMax with a 23-year-old salesperson who kept asking me questions about what 9/11 was like because “he had never met anybody who was there”, I suddenly realized that I am now “somebody who was there”. I also realized that he hadn’t even been born when this happened… so here it is. Raw, real, and off the cuff. In September 2001, I was living in Weehawken, New Jersey, a single stop outside Manhattan. From the cliffs overlooking the river, I had an unobstructed view of the New York City skyline. On that beautiful September morning—blue skies, monarch butterflies, a cool breeze—I watched smoke pour from the World Trade Center and saw both towers collapse.What stands out most in my memory is the surreal contrast between the beauty around me and the horror unfolding across the water. Butterflies floated through the air while buildings fell. The river sparkled while people were running for their lives. My mind struggled to reconcile what my eyes were seeing. In this episode, I share what it was like to witness those events from a distance close enough to see, but far enough away that the full reality took years to process. I talk about the days and months that followed: the fear, the uncertainty, the military presence, the missing-person posters covering subway stations, the smell that lingered over the city, and the way trauma can settle into the nervous system long after a crisis ends. I also reflect on an unexpected lesson that emerged from that time. While riding through the Lincoln Tunnel in the months after the attacks, consumed by fear and hypervigilance, I realized I had a choice. I could spend my life anticipating disaster, or I could choose to be present for the life I was actually living. That realization became one of the most important gifts hidden inside an otherwise devastating experience. A decade later, during the Bastrop wildfires in Texas, a dream and the smell of smoke triggered memories I didn’t even realize I was still carrying. What followed was a profound release of grief, fear, and shock that my system had been holding for years. This isn’t a historical analysis of 9/11. It’s a personal remembrance of what it felt like to be there, how trauma can echo across decades, how communities respond in times of crisis, and how healing sometimes arrives long after we think we’ve moved on. Most of all, it’s a reflection on survival, resilience, and gratitude. Twenty-five years later, I’m grateful to be alive. Grateful for the healing that’s happened. Grateful for the people I love. And grateful for the reminder that even after immense loss, joy is still possible. Sometimes we don’t process a life-changing event when it happens. Sometimes we survive it, keep moving, and only years later discover what our hearts and bodies have been carrying. Healing doesn’t always happen on our timeline. But when we’re ready, what has been buried can finally rise, move through us, and become part of our story rather than something that controls it.You are loved:)Jenni Get full access to w/Jenni Tooley at www.jennitooley.com/subscribe

June 4, 202623 min

CC S5.E9: Trauma, Tight Asses & Pelvic Floor Therapy

Today I’m diving into what happened at a visit with my pelvic floor therapist so this episode might make you a little uncomfortable. But I promise that this episode is vulnerable, practical, weirdly educational, and occasionally very funny. Cancer Chronicles S5.E9: Trauma, Tight Asses & Pelvic Floor Therapy This episode was recorded on February 1, six months after my ileostomy closure surgery, and explores what recovery actually looks like after chemotherapy, radiation, surgery, bowel reconstruction, and reconnecting an entire digestive system. More Specifically: * what pelvic floor therapy actually is and what happens during an exam * how LARS surgery scar tissue can affect bowel function * how surviving trauma — physical, emotional, spiritual, historical — can leave the body in a constant state of bracing * convincing your body that it’s safe again * why my anus apparently refuses to relax * the deeply humbling experience of celebrating a successful poop If you’re going through cancer recovery, chronic illness, pelvic floor issues, trauma recovery, post-surgical healing, or simply trying to reconnect with your body after a hard season, I hope this helps you feel less alone. If you know someone who could benefit from this podcast, please share it:) Love ya lots!Jenni Get full access to w/Jenni Tooley at www.jennitooley.com/subscribe

May 28, 202613 min

CC S5.E8: Cancer Treatment Aftercare, Spiritual Immunity & Healing Buttholes

We’re still catching up on podcast episodes- this one was recorded back in January. Things have changed a bit since then, but life is still surreal. Many thanks to those who have supported the cast, mrJames who contributed the new Season 5 branding, and to Linda who heeded the call and sent me a bidet attachment! Support is still needed and appreciated:)venmo: @jenni-tooley zelle/paypal: jennitooley@gmail www.jennitooley.com You all rock! Now on with the show… Cancer Chronicles S5:Ep8 Treatment Aftercare, Spiritual Immunity & Healing Buttholes After rectal cancer treatment, there are a lot of strange little things that become part of everyday life. Some are scary. Some are annoying. Some are unexpectedly funny. And some involve conversations with medical professionals where you ask for “skincare tips” and they mistakenly think that these tips are for your face.There’s also a quiet thread running underneath this episode about recovery after active treatment — the strange emotional space where the emergency is technically over, but your body and nervous system are still trying to figure out what happened. The Breakdown * sensitive skin and skincare for your butt * recovery realities nobody talks about like long-term radiation damage, fecal incontinence and IBS * the unexpected emotional joy of a bidet attachment * rebuilding an aftercare team * protecting both my physical and spiritual immune systems * pulling inward for a while * allowing myself to simply exist without hiding my scars If you’re navigating cancer recovery, chronic illness, burnout, nervous system exhaustion, or just trying to feel human again after a hard season… this one’s for you. Love ya lots.Jenni Get full access to w/Jenni Tooley at www.jennitooley.com/subscribe

May 21, 202629 min

My body still remembers

Cancer Chronicles : Survivorship is a real-time audio journal of the lived experience after cancer treatment, where healing doesn’t follow a timeline and the body continues to speak long after medical care ends. In this episode, I reflect on survivorship as something embodied rather than conceptual. I share about the unexpected return of physical echoes from treatment, including moments from hospital stays that still live in the nervous system and body memory. One memory in particular — repeated IV attempts, blown veins, and alarm machines triggered by movement — opens into a larger reflection on how the body holds onto experiences long after they seem “over.” This is a conversation about what lingers, what resurfaces, and what it means to rebuild trust with a body that has been through a lot. Season 5: Survivorship is unfolding in real time. If you want to support me and this ongoing work, you can do so via Substack membership at www.jennitooley.com or direct support (Venmo @jenni-tooley, PayPal/Zelle: jennitooley@gmail.com). Thank you- you are loved. Jenni Get full access to w/Jenni Tooley at www.jennitooley.com/subscribe

May 14, 202627 min

Survivorship, Pelvic Floor Therapy, and getting to know my body...again.

This episode begins on New Year’s Day 2026, in the middle of ongoing recovery from cancer treatment. Survivorship is not a label. It’s a lived process that begins at diagnosis and keeps unfolding. The body does not follow calendars. It follows capacity. For me, survivorship is a space that doesn’t end when treatment ends, but continues with digestive issues, fatigue, physical therapy, nervous system regulation, and the daily negotiation with what my body can actually do. This season, my only real guide is simple: my healing comes first . Too bad it took cancer to remind me of that:)Until next time- you are loved. If this work resonates with you, please support its continuation by becoming a paid subscriber at www.jennitooley.com or by sending direct support via Venmo (@jenni-tooley), PayPal, or Zelle (jennitooley@gmail.com). Every bit of support helps sustain this work while I recover and continue creating from inside the process. Get full access to w/Jenni Tooley at www.jennitooley.com/subscribe

May 7, 20267 min

NYE, Oncology Centers, & Pelvic Floors

Hi darlin!This one is coming at ya from my car in the Oncology Center parking lot on NYE day. It was my first day of post-treatment physical therapy- a pelvic floor therapy intake no less. Talk about anxiety! Let’s jump right in,,,shall we?Love ya lots!Jenni Be w/Jenni Tooley wherever, whenever, and however she is by becoming a free or paid subscriber at www.jennitooley.com. You can also keep her in gas money and copays via venmo @jenni-tooley or paypal/zelle: jennitooley@gmail.com Get full access to w/Jenni Tooley at www.jennitooley.com/subscribe

April 30, 202621 min

Same Event, Different Body

This week’s episode starts with church bells ringing outside my car window- let’s enjoy them for a moment, shall we?Now on to the meat of it! I was invited to participate in the Lavender & Lore event again this year. It got me thinking about the last time I was there—right in the middle of radiation and chemo. I showed up exhausted, overheated, and not very clear about where I even was in my body. And yet… something really beautiful came out of that day. In this episode I’m reflecting on: ✨ what it was like showing up to Lavender & Lore last year in the middle of treatment✨ the unexpected gifts that came from it—including a dog park community that ended up helping me more than I ever expected✨ what I lost during cancer treatment (and what I’ve let stay lost)✨ what it means when an opportunity comes around again✨ preparing for events when your bowels might have other plans (yes, we’re going there again)✨ and why “my healing comes first” is still the compass I’m following Sometimes the real abundance doesn’t show up the way we expect. Sometimes it comes sideways—through community, connection, or someone offering to walk your dog. Love ya lots!Jenni You can support the podcast as well as well as my livelihood by becoming a paid subscriber at www.jennitooley.com or making a donation via venmo@jenni-tooley Get full access to w/Jenni Tooley at www.jennitooley.com/subscribe

April 23, 202626 min

S5:Ep2 My First Post-Cancer CT Scan

Hey there! Today we’re going to be doing a Cancer Chronicles episode… unless I get completely derailed, which could happen. Seriously, this is the third attempt at recording this episode.The first time I was interrupted by my dog.The second time I was interrupted by my bowels. This is a story that I really don’t want to tell. But I keep hearing it in my head… and every time I tell it to someone close to me, they laugh. So here we go! Welcome to Episode 2 This episode is about my first surveillance CT scan after cancer treatment wearing a body that doesn’t have a rhythm yet. Two months out from an ileostomy closure and I still don’t know when I’m going to go to the bathroom, what it’s going to be like, or how long I’m going to be in there. The CT scan required an hour drive while fasting, and an iodine contrast. Let’s just say, my body went bonkers resulting in two Walmart bathroom stops and so much time spent on the toilet that I realized that Walmart has its own radio station. We also get into: * the difference between worry, anxiety, and concern * what it means to listen to your body (or not listen to your body) * and how healing doesn’t always look the way you think it will Sometimes survivorship looks like just trying to make it home and being kind to yourself when your body has other plans. This s**t happens.Like… it literally happens.Lova ya!Jenni No sponsors or a big machine behind this—just me. So, if you want to help keep the truth flowing, send a little digital love my way via venmo @jenni-tooley, zelle/paypal using jennitooley@gmail.com, or become a freaking awesome subscriber at www.jennitooley.com Get full access to w/Jenni Tooley at www.jennitooley.com/subscribe