Deliberate Life™

Hosted by Pia & Bart

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May 2026

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About the show

Executive coaches Pia & Bart on living deliberately. Real conversations for leaders and entrepreneurs — about work, relationships, health, and everything else that matters.

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May 28, 202632 min

78. Forgiveness

We open by clearing up one of the most common misunderstandings about forgiveness: that to forgive means to condone. It doesn't. Using the image of a thorn lodged in the body, we explore forgiveness as the act of removing that thorn—not for the person who put it there, but for yourself. We introduce four promises of forgiveness: I will not dwell on this incident; I will not use it against you; I will not speak of it to others; and I will not let it stand between us. We examine each promise honestly, including how rarely all four are truly kept, and what it means when they are. We explore forgiveness as a layered, often slow process—closer to emergence than decision—drawing on a deeply personal example of emotional closure reached nearly a decade after a divorce, including a consciously planned journey through psilocybin therapy, a family trip to Singapore, and a four-hour conversation that finally cleared what years of distance could not. We discuss the particular difficulty of self-forgiveness, why the subject and object being the same person makes it harder, and how an idealized self-image can make owning the impact of our choices feel almost impossible. We close by connecting forgiveness to emotional closure—forgiveness as the process, closure as the destination—and acknowledge that sometimes, when the other person isn't ready or available, forgiving yourself is the only path forward that remains in your control.

April 23, 202627 min

77. Conscientiousness

We complete our journey through the Big Five personality traits with the fifth and final one: conscientiousness. We explore what it actually means—beyond the obvious associations with being organised and disciplined—examining how it shows up as reliability, self-discipline, integrity, and the drive to follow through on commitments to both self and others. Through personal examples ranging from calendar management and routines to deliberate life planning, we illustrate what high conscientiousness looks and feels like in practice, and why it can be both a superpower and a trap. We discuss the flipside—how high conscientiousness can tip into rigidity, perfectionism, and discomfort with chaos—and what people on both ends of the spectrum can learn from each other. We explore the connection between conscientiousness and flow states, the concept of "planned spontaneity" as a conscious workaround for the highly conscientious, and how this trait plays out in leadership contexts. We also reflect on how our relationship with low conscientiousness in others has evolved over time—from irritation to acceptance—drawing on Stoic principles along the way. We close with a simple invitation: identify where more conscientiousness would serve you, and equally, where a little less of it might set you free.

March 26, 202625 min

76. Heart

We open with a quote that sets the tone: the longest journey is from the head to the heart. We explore what it truly means to live from the heart—not as a sentimental idea, but as a fuller way of accessing ourselves and connecting with others. We discuss heart intelligence alongside gut and brain intelligence, and introduce the concept of heart coherence: the state in which nervous system, mind, and heart are aligned, playing the same frequency. Drawing on the HeartMath Institute's research on heart rate variability, we explore how coherence can be cultivated individually—and how it extends outward into relationships, teams, and even sixty thousand people singing together in a football stadium. We examine the open heart versus the closed heart, and how fear, stress, and judgment trigger a contraction that cuts us off from the fullest version of ourselves. We discuss practical ways to stay open—or return to openness—including naming what we are experiencing out loud, imagining an energetic opening in the chest, and asking the question: what would love see right now? We close with an invitation to reflect on the moments when you felt most truly yourself—because that, we suggest, is usually where head and heart were most in sync.

February 28, 202619 min

75. Space

We open with a quote that sets the tone perfectly: if the mind is not overcrowded, not ceaselessly occupied, there is space—and from that space, everything else comes. We explore space as a multi-layered concept, distinguishing between space in the mind, space in time, and space in the physical environment. We discuss how transit time—the in-between moments connecting one event to the next—holds rich potential for stillness and reflection, and how the pandemic illustrated what happens when that space collapses. We examine the distinction between functional space, where we operate our lives, and sacred space, where we connect with something deeper. Through personal examples—Ubud as a near-inevitable portal to spiritual connection, the sauna ritual as a gateway to creativity, and a newly moved-into flat as an invitation to consciously design a sacred corner—we explore how physical environments shape our inner states. We touch on neurodesign, the consecrating effect of returning to the same space for the same ritual, and how space and practice reinforce each other over time. We close with two simple invitations: reflect on your transit time, and consider which spaces in your life are functional, which are sacred, and which could become something more.

January 30, 202633 min

74. Grief

We explore grief through the immediate and raw experience of losing a parent, beginning with the story of receiving news of a mother's death whilst scuba diving in a remote part of the Philippines. We discuss the intensity of those first nine days—the loneliness of travelling home alone, the profound sadness of missing someone physically, and the complex emotions of being both the griever and the anchor for an extended family's collective grief. Through personal reflection, we examine how grief and love are inseparable partners—there is no grief without love—and how the shared experience of loss can strengthen family bonds. We discuss the power of conscious grieving: using morning pages to process emotions, the cathartic experience of writing a eulogy, and the comfort found in spiritual beliefs about continued presence beyond physical death. We broaden the conversation beyond death to examine other forms of grief: lost dreams, children growing up, relationships ending, and futures that will never materialise. We explore how grief for these losses is often more complex and prolonged than grief from death, involving anxiety and uncertainty alongside sadness. We discuss the importance of allowing grief space rather than suppressing it, whilst also recognising the need to progress rather than becoming stuck in difficult emotions. We reflect on the concepts of "good death" and the "say it now" philosophy—expressing love and appreciation whilst people are still alive. We conclude that conscious, deliberate grieving, though profoundly difficult, creates opportunities for deeper learning, stronger connections, and meaningful acceptance of loss in all its forms.

December 24, 202528 min

73. Deliberate Life

We share reflections from Bali, where we've spent two weeks recording our long-awaited Deliberate Life programme—a project eight years in the making. We discuss the unique energy of Ubud, Bali's spiritual centre, where ceremonies happen daily and spiritual practices are woven into everyday life. Through personal examples from our time here—cacao ceremonies, sound meditations, temple purification rituals, and tarot card readings—we explore how immersing ourselves in this environment has enriched both our work and our experience of deliberate living. We reflect on the power of setting intentions through ritual, describing how three guiding principles emerged from our opening ceremony: magic, trust, and challenge. We examine how the Deliberate Life framework applies to our own lives during this intense period of creation. The week brought both profound joy and unexpected grief, with news of a best friend's terminal cancer arriving mid-project—a stark reminder of memento mori and the importance of seizing the day. We discuss the value of zooming out to see life's bigger picture, appreciating what we have rather than fixating on details to fix. We explore the concept of ikigai—work that combines what you love, what you're good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for—and recognise this project as our own ikigai. We conclude by announcing that the podcast will be renamed "Deliberate Life" and that our standalone programme, designed to help others move from autopilot to intentional living, will be available soon.

November 27, 202527 min

72. Neuroticism

We explore neuroticism, the fourth of the Big Five personality traits we've discussed, following our previous episodes on openness, extraversion, and agreeableness. Neuroticism represents sensitivity to negative emotions—those higher on the scale experience more worry, frustration, and stress, whilst those lower feel fewer negative emotions overall. We acknowledge the loaded nature of the word "neurotic" in everyday language and challenge the assumption that low neuroticism is inherently better. Through personal examples, we discuss how being very low on neuroticism brings advantages—less worry, more equanimity—but also risks: missing important signals, underestimating threats, and needing to work harder at empathy for others' negative experiences. We examine how neuroticism affects relationships and leadership, sharing how partners with different levels can create friction when one feels compelled to "do the worrying for both." In leadership contexts, we explore how those high on neuroticism can use their emotional sensitivity as valuable data for reading rooms and anticipating problems, provided they learn to process and release those emotions rather than let them become contagious. We discuss whether personality can change over time, noting significant personal shifts in both neuroticism and conscientiousness across decades. We conclude by encouraging listeners to complete the Big Five assessment online, develop awareness of where they sit on the spectrum, and consider how their level of neuroticism serves or limits their effectiveness—remembering that neuroticism, like all personality traits, exists for good evolutionary reasons.

October 30, 202532 min

71. Money

We explore the often-taboo subject of money, beginning with an examination of why financial discussions feel uncomfortable—the fear of being judged or defined by wealth rather than character. We introduce the concept of "money blueprint," the belief system about money formed during childhood that shapes our financial behaviours throughout life. Through contrasting personal stories, we share how our blueprints were formed: one rooted in a working-class background and the belief that wealth is unethical, leading to financial neglect; the other grounded in careful saving and detailed record-keeping from childhood. We discuss the transformative power of recognising and challenging limiting beliefs about money, demonstrating how changing one's blueprint can fundamentally alter financial outcomes—from eliminating debt to optimising revenue and implementing structured money management systems. We delve into practical aspects of financial consciousness, exploring the concept of money as energy that should flow rather than stagnate. Drawing on "Die with Zero" by Bill Perkins, we examine the importance of timing life experiences appropriately—spending on skiing whilst physically able rather than over-saving for later years. We discuss conscious spending versus unconscious consumption, the principle of effective altruism in charitable giving, and the dangers of comparison in driving financial decisions. We address the complexities of knowing when to shift from saving to spending, the responsibility that comes with wealth, and the importance of financial alignment with partners. We conclude with practical recommendations: understand your money blueprint, discuss finances openly with your partner, consider professional guidance for investments, and reflect on whether your financial behaviours align with your values and life goals.

September 26, 202534 min

70. Boundaries

We explore the essential skill of boundary setting through personal and professional examples, examining how clear boundaries protect our time, energy, and values whilst maintaining relationships. We discuss practical scenarios from declining alcohol at social gatherings to saying no to dessert at dinner parties, illustrating how boundaries become easier to establish with people we know well versus strangers or colleagues. Through workplace examples, we examine the challenge of setting boundaries around availability, deep work time, and the delicate balance between being a supportive leader and overstepping professional responsibilities. We explore how cultural expectations and the fear of appearing impolite can make boundary setting particularly difficult, especially when declining invitations without external excuses. We delve into the art of saying no elegantly and respectfully, sharing strategies such as buying time before responding, offering counter-proposals, and being honest about personal preferences. We examine how boundaries connect to personal values—recognising that violated boundaries often signal compromised values—and discuss the importance of flexibility to avoid becoming overly rigid in our principles. Through examples ranging from party invitations to professional coaching limits, we explore how leaders set the tone for organisational culture through their own boundary practices. We conclude with practical tools for identifying when boundaries have been crossed, including the "above the line, below the line" framework, and emphasise the role of reflection and journaling in understanding our personal boundary needs.

August 28, 202525 min

69. Agreeableness

We explore agreeableness, the third of the Big Five personality traits we've discussed, following our previous episodes on openness and extraversion/introversion. Agreeableness represents the tendency to prioritise others' needs over one's own—highly agreeable people are sympathetic, cooperative, and accommodating, whilst those lower in agreeableness are more competitive, self-interested, and direct. We share personal examples of how high agreeableness manifests: difficulty knowing what you want for dinner, crying when others cry, and the challenge of maintaining boundaries with less agreeable individuals. We discuss how highly agreeable people can be taken advantage of and the importance of developing what we call "toughness muscles" to push back when necessary. We examine agreeableness in leadership contexts, particularly the challenge of holding people accountable and managing healthy conflict when you naturally want to be liked and avoid discomfort. Through client examples, we explore how highly agreeable leaders can struggle to hold space for productive friction and may soften their messages too much. However, we also recognise that agreeableness can be a leadership strength—creating psychological safety, building trust, and delivering feedback from a place of genuine care. We conclude by encouraging listeners to reflect on when their agreeableness serves them well versus when it limits their effectiveness, and to consider what "courageous kindness" might look like in their current situation.