086: Ghosting: What Silence Teaches Us with Tiana Fech
Have you ever had someone enthusiastically say yes to something, only to disappear when it was time to take the next step? In this episode of The People Teaching People Podcast , I’m getting into the Halloween spirit with a conversation about ghosting. Not the paranormal kind, although I do seem to have a few haunted Google Drive folders! Over the years, I’ve experienced ghosting in my consulting work and podcasting. I’ve had people reach out about working together, share their excitement about a project, and then disappear after we’ve started making plans. I’ve also had potential podcast guests enthusiastically accept an invitation, only to vanish somewhere between saying yes and booking a recording date. For me, these experiences have been more disappointing than frustrating. I get excited about possibilities, imagine what we might create together, and sometimes get my hopes up. When things quietly disappear, I’m left wondering what happened. But the more I’ve thought about ghosting, the more curious I’ve become about what happens on both sides of the silence. Why do people disappear? What assumptions do we make when someone doesn’t respond? When does ghosting genuinely matter, and when might we be better off simply letting it go? Through personal experiences and reflections on communication, expectations, relationships, and our very human tendency to overthink, I explore what ghosting can teach us about ourselves and how we interact with others. Because sometimes a little clarity can make a meaningful difference. Sometimes we need to give other people grace. And sometimes, we need to stop chasing ghosts. Listen in as we talk about: 01:00 Ghosting in work and life 04:23 When silence leaves a gap 07:12 The assumptions we make 08:49 When ghosting really matters 11:04 Why people disappear 15:25 Sometimes clarity is kind 17:02 Ghosting – When it’s time to let go 20:51 What ghosting teaches us 23:57 Where might I be the ghost? Connect with Tiana: Website: https://tianafech.com LinkedIn: Tiana Fech Instagram: @tianafech Facebook: @tianafech Book: Online Course Creation 101: A step-by-step guide to creating your first online course NEW Workbook: Your Expertise Ready to Download – Turn what you know into an impactful downloadable resource Podcast Episode Mentioned: Episode 84: What Our Friendships Teach Us with Tiana Fech GHOSTING IN WORK AND LIFE Ghosting is something we often associate with dating, but it happens in all kinds of places, including friendships, professional relationships, networking, and our work. I’ve experienced it in my consulting business when potential clients have enthusiastically discussed projects and then disappeared just as things seemed to be moving forward. I’ve also had potential podcast guests happily accept an invitation and then vanish before we could schedule a recording. These experiences can be disappointing, particularly when I’ve already started imagining the possibilities, but they’ve also made me curious about why people disappear and what we can learn from those moments. WHEN SILENCE LEAVES A GAP “Sometimes the story we create around silence becomes bigger than the silence itself.” One of the things I’ve noticed about ghosting is how quickly we can start filling in the blanks when someone doesn’t respond. A clear yes gives us direction, and so does a no. But silence leaves us wondering whether something changed, whether we misunderstood, or whether we said something wrong. The explanation may have very little to do with us, but when we don’t know what happened, it’s easy to create our own story about the silence. THE ASSUMPTIONS WE MAKE Ghosting can reveal a lot about the expectations we bring into our interactions with other people. We may assume that someone shares our communication habits or that an enthusiastic yes means something is definitely happening. But our communication norms aren’t universal. What feels like a long time to wait for one person might feel completely normal to someone else. Not every delayed response is ghosting, and sometimes getting curious about our own expectations can be just as useful as wondering why somebody else hasn’t responded. WHEN GHOSTING REALLY MATTERS I think there is an important difference between someone not responding to an unsolicited invitation and someone disappearing after they’ve created an expectation or commitment. When another person has invested meaningful time, preparation, money, or emotional energy because of something we’ve agreed to, our communication can have a real impact. Following through, acknowledging someone’s efforts, or letting them know that plans have changed can help build trust. At the same time, silence isn’t always intentional or unkind, and there are situations where not responding is an appropriate boundary. WHY PEOPLE DISAPPEAR There are probably more reasons people ghost than we realize. Sometimes life gets busy, messages get buried, priorities change, or someone simply forgets. Other times, people may feel uncomfortable saying no or worry about disappointing someone. Our increasingly asynchronous communication makes disappearing surprisingly easy. An unanswered email can sit in an inbox indefinitely, which would be a rather strange way to handle a face-to-face conversation! Sometimes what started as a simple delay turns into a haunted house of unanswered emails. The same interaction can also mean very different things to the two people involved. Something that feels like an exciting opportunity to one person might be just one of dozens of things the other person is managing. Remembering that difference can help us interpret someone’s silence a little more generously. SOMETIMES CLARITY IS KIND One of the things these experiences have taught me is that I genuinely appreciate a clear no. I may be disappointed when a project doesn’t move forward or an opportunity doesn’t work out, but at least I know where things stand. Sometimes we avoid giving people an answer because we don’t want to hurt their feelings or aren’t sure what to say. But when someone is waiting because of an expectation we’ve created, even a simple response can make a meaningful difference. We don’t owe everyone a detailed explanation, and sometimes closure is something we can give ourselves. GHOSTING – WHEN IT’S TIME TO LET GO Not every experience of ghosting deserves the same amount of attention. Someone doesn’t respond to a casual invitation, a potential podcast guest never sends recording dates, or that coffee we’ve been meaning to have never quite materializes. These things can be disappointing without needing to become something much bigger. I know I can be an overthinker, but not every unanswered message needs an investigation, and not every disappearing opportunity deserves more of our energy. Sometimes the healthiest thing we can do is let the ghost float away. This can also be true in our relationships. Messages go unanswered, friendships change, and people sometimes drift apart. Those experiences can hurt, but they don’t always mean someone has done something wrong. We can recognize when silence genuinely matters while also remembering that not every fading connection needs to become a story about our own worth. WHAT GHOSTING TEACHES US So much of what we learn from one another happens through everyday experiences and relationships. Ghosting can teach us about the communication we value, what builds trust, where our boundaries are, and how we respond to uncertainty. I’ve learned that I appreciate people who close the loop, but I’ve also realized that my excitement about a possibility can make the disappointment feel bigger when it doesn’t work out. Sometimes these experiences reveal as much about our own expectations and reactions as they do about someone else’s behaviour. When someone disappears, we can follow up if it makes sense, particularly if we’re waiting for information that affects our time or commitments. But eventually, if we still don’t hear anything, we can recognize that we’ve done our part and put our energy somewhere else without needing to assume the worst. WHERE MIGHT I BE THE GHOST? Perhaps one of the most useful questions we can ask ourselves is whether we’ve accidentally left someone else hanging. Have we forgotten to respond, missed a message, or promised to follow up on something that slipped our minds? None of us communicates perfectly, and sometimes we get things wrong. But we can come back, acknowledge what happened, and repair the interaction. Being human-centred isn’t about perfection. It’s about remembering that our choices affect other people and doing our best to show up with thoughtfulness, clarity, and care. There will always be unanswered messages, changing plans, and people who disappear from conversations. But we can be thoughtful about where we put our energy, when our communication matters, and when it’s time to let something go. Perhaps the biggest lesson is that not every ghost needs to be chased.


